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7 Things Men Wish You Knew
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Brenda Della Casa
eDiets Contributor
You've been told they are un-committable creatures from another planet who "think with their nether regions," but the truth is, the guy in your life is a lot more like you than you might think -- he just doesn't know how to tell you.
If your man won't open up about what's on his mind, don't fret. You are about to find out the top seven things he's secretly wishing you would start and stop doing right now. No analyzing required!
Please Stop: Nagging Him to Be More Romantic
He never buys you flowers, takes you out to dinner or lives up to your grand romantic ideals like your sister's guy. How does he know? You never stop telling him!
He Wishes You Would: Appreciate the Things He Does Do for You
Ok, so he may not surprise you with roses, but how about those days he walks the dogs so you can sleep in or the fact he suffers through your romantic comedies when he's dying to see people run away from a chainsaw-wielding maniac?
Please Stop: Setting Him Up for Failure
You've been eating a little more pie and haven't seen the gym in months. Your pants are significantly more snug, but you refuse to believe you have gained the 15 pounds the scale claims you have. So you decide to ask your guy the question that makes the ears of all men bleed… "Babe, do I look fat?"
What He Wants: To Get Out of the Line of Fire
Let's deconstruct this for a second. You know you have gained weight, screwed up at work or should not have cut those bangs at home, but you don't want to face it -- so you expect your mate to boost your confidence by lying to you or running the risk of being called an inconsiderate jerk? This is hardly a healthy relationship habit!
What He Wants: You to Accept Him for Who He Is
You really like your guy, but his style, haircut and/or Star Wars obsession makes you cringe. He's a really nice guy, so you keep dating him with the intention of "tweaking him to perfection" once he agrees to go exclusive.
Please Stop: Trying to Change Him
While it's normal for partners to influence one another, telling your guy to let go of ideas, opinions or the things he enjoys or cares about is controlling and disrespectful. If he tells you he's a football fanatic while dating, don't pout when he doesn't want to do brunch on Sundays two years later.
Please Stop: Wearing So Much Green
A pretty saleslady tries to help him at the store and you accuse him of wanting to sleep with her. His best female friend calls him late at night and you wonder if they are having an affair. He's so scared of your outbursts that he feels he can't look anywhere but down when you're out together!
What He Wants: You to Trust Him
While a little jealousy can keep a relationship fresh, there is nothing that can ruin a good time faster than a cold plate of distrust. Unless your guy is doing something to make you feel insecure or disrespected, cut him a little slack.
Please Stop: Analyzing Everything
We gals spend our Sunday brunches trying to figure out what he means, what he's thinking and how to respond. Here are the answers: Exactly what he said, work/sports/that funny YouTube video and honestly.
What He Wants: Take Him at Face Value
I know you won't believe me, but men are pretty straightforward creatures. Ever hear two men arguing and one of them saying, "What did you mean by that?" Yeah, didn't think so.
Please Stop: Expecting Him to Always Make the First Move, Plans, etc.
You lie in bed waiting for him to put the moves on and get ticked when Friday rolls around and he's made no plans.
What He Wants: You to Take the Initiative
Welcome to 2008, ladies. We can not only manage corporations and run for president, we can (gasp!) make dinner reservations, too! While the damsel role can be fun, the truth is, men love women who know what they want and are not afraid to go after it. They also love knowing that a woman cares enough about them to make the effort and pull out all of the stops for a change.
Please Stop: Making Him Choose Between You and His Friends
He's Mr. Wonderful when he's out with you, but get him around his old friend Jason and he's lighting his farts and playing beer pong in 30 seconds flat! Why does he hang out with such a loser? He's such a bad influence...
What He Wants: You to Respect His Relationships
You'd be hard-pressed to find a woman on the planet who likes every one of her partner's friends, but that's not the point. The fact is your guy is an individual who obviously feels a connection and bond with the people he has chosen to have in his life -- in addition to the one he has with you -- and just like those people need to respect your role, you need to respect theirs.
Relationships expert Brenda Della Casa is a journalist and casting agent who has spent the last six years interviewing single men and women for a variety of television shows and articles. Last year, she interviewed almost a 1,000 single, married and coupled men world-wide, together with hundreds of single women for her breakthrough book, Cinderella Was a Liar.
Labels: relationships
Comment by 
said... - Monday, January 21, 2008 12:18:00 PM
As a guy, most of this makes us guys look winy. I reason guys are not romantic is they do not care. If they did they would like to do things for the woman in they lives.
Comment by said... - Monday, January 28, 2008 9:40:00 PM
Since when was e-diets become a Cosmopolitan-type of e-mag? If I wanted that type of b-s, I would be reading Cosmo and not e-Diets!
Comment by said... - Sunday, February 10, 2008 8:09:00 AM
This sounds pretty selfish. When you are in a relationship, both people should be putting the other first. This Works wonderfully. This article causes the woman to look incompetent
Comment by said... - Monday, February 11, 2008 5:48:00 PM
this sounds pretty acurate, people need to have their own strength, and be respectful of each other, and guys, we women wouldn't be such nags if you would use a little self control. grow up!
Comment by said... - Saturday, February 16, 2008 10:21:00 AM
I thought this article was pretty good. Women are too selfish these days. They think it's all about them. As a woman, unfortunately, I could relate to a couple of these statements. If a man loves you, he would be willing to open up to you, but only if he doesn't feel like his nuts are going to be cutoff. Men do need to learn more about relationships, but I don't think women have helped in this partnership at all. Men are not our servants and we are wrong sometimes. How would you act if your man did nothing but gripe about what you did, how you did it and how wrong you are 24/7?!
Comment by said... - Saturday, February 16, 2008 4:09:00 PM
All I can add to this is that there are two individuals in relationships.... yet one (men) cry out "don't change me" "don't nag me"... well let me say that after being married for nearly 30 yrs. while he played ball, bowling and golf and went out with his friends... I mowed the lawn, raised the boys and took care of an elderly parent... oh and yes... all the other things... housework, house repairs, you name it I do it... I took care of it.
That's why I had an affair and he was devastated. Had it too good for too long and now regrets the things he did and didn't do.
So... it goes both ways... if you want a partnership you have to be a partner.
Comment by said... - Monday, February 18, 2008 6:18:00 AM
as a woman i could relate to several points in the article and have to admit to doing some of the things mentioned.I also agree to the last comment - its a partnership and i think men often forget that.as soon as thye get comfortable in a relationship they take the woman for granted and expect to have everything done for them. its finding that balance - thats so difficult.i think if the men tried a bit more-show when they care-then the women would be more concious not to nag, show her jelously or leave him to play ball in peace!
Comment by said... - Monday, February 18, 2008 9:20:00 AM
Amen to that!! There is a reason it is called a partnership!
Comment by said... - Monday, February 18, 2008 8:39:00 PM
These tips are bang on. We women have confused men - we want to be "in control", equals, dominant, and yet we yearn for chivalry. We have to start over as women and allow ourselves to be valued. The media, our current pathetic "role models", and our own gender have all done a fabulous job of deprecating women. Men have learned to treat us, the way we treat ourselves. Why should they try - we'll take them no matter what. We need to respect ourselves again.
Comment by said... - Tuesday, February 19, 2008 2:33:00 AM
I so agree with the comment before me!! Women have no respect for themselves anymore! They have gotten where they don't even let men be men. They throw themselves all over men and wonder why they are treated the way they are. We teach men how to treat us everyday.. We teach them to direspect us! Let them know that if they cheat we will take them back. It's very sad to see the state that women are in.. I was looking on myspace the other day and seen lots of women in thier 20's, 30's & 40's half naked basically begging men to look at them and give them attention.. How sick is that? Have some class about yourself..OR don't cry when you get played and direspected over and over again!! Then in the end your all used up and no one wants you!!
Comment by said... - Tuesday, February 19, 2008 10:24:00 PM
I don't agee, that men are straighforward, they might be with other men, but they aren't with women. They're not going to say i just want a roll in the sack with you and that's it. They say things like you're so beatiful, yadda, yadda, yadda. Most guys of late are more interested in your breast size than you as person.
Also, most dating coaches tell women to let the man make the first "move" i.e. phone call, date. While in a fairly new relationship, one doesn't know their schedule. I think the story needs to get straight about this thing got dating/relationship or whatever. I agree a relationship must be a partnership, there are 2 people in it supposedly, it's not up to the woman to carry the relationship. Men get lazy and go back to their "bachelorhood" We weren't put on this earth to wait on them hand and foot. They need mature and realized we are all responsible for ourselves, our choices, etc.
Comment by said... - Wednesday, February 20, 2008 1:00:00 AM
I agree with the concept of this article; however, I KNOW that all of it "goes both ways". I feel that in a loving relationship between two people, there should be equal acceptance and respect of each other as individuals. There are MANY situations where a man or woman start out being the "best thing that ever happened to you", and unfortunately, they were doing all the right things, to win you over. Often times, the old saying, "you don't know someone until you're married to them or until you've lived with them" rings true. If a man or a woman gradually or suddenly "reverts" back to "who they really are in the first place", then I can certainly understand a partner expecting more of them. After all, they put the effort out there in the beginning. I agree with the writer who wrote that when a man really cares for a woman, he will want to please her, and not take anything for granted!
Comment by said... - Wednesday, February 27, 2008 10:50:00 AM
All it comes down to is mutual respect. The reason for all the complaints is that they are probably unequally yoked. Now days women are so busy trying to get married that they are marring out of desperation. The bible says not to yoke an ox with an ass. Some how I don't remember that being taught at church when I was coming up. Now that I know, it's plan to see why "Men & Women" are having so many problems. We are getting our instructions from the TV, Newspapers and Media. We need to start back listening to "GOD" for divine instructions for our lives. It's very suprising what can be found in the "BIBLE".
Comment by said... - Monday, March 03, 2008 12:36:00 AM
He's a great guy. I really feel bad when I have to tell him to stop spending money like it's water on things he likes while I try to save to buy a house, to stop bringing fattening stuff in the house (at 315 I am really desperate) and that he needs more than a part time job. OK, I'm the bad person. The frustrating part is he is a great husband and father, kind, sweet, loving and smart. We have the same interest, just different styles. Are we unequally yoked? Probably. Even though I am devout, I still have trouble with "Whatever the man says, you must do". I dropped the "obey" part out of my wedding vows 20 years ago.
Comment by said... - Monday, March 03, 2008 4:40:00 PM
It is really an even commitment or covenant to one another. Notice Eve came from Adams's rib -- came from his side, and not from his foot bone. She walks beside him, and not behind him. As other people said, "it really works two ways". I believe women show too much of their bodies, and leave nothing up to the man's imagination. This causes men to disrepect women. Love yourself and give respect to your own body. Treat the man in your life with love and respect and he will do the same for you. Some women do too much, as one writer mentioned -- housework, raising kids, home repairs, etc. This only makes a man back off and do very little. Each person must do his or her share, and keep an even balance in a relationship. That's the way God wants it. True love is balanced!!
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