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Editors Note: The following excerpt is taken from Laura McBride’s journal, with insights from her brother, Christopher Lowell.
Laura began her journey to weight loss and fitness with eDiets in May 2008. She follows the Glycemic Impact Plan, and works closely with eDiets experts who have helped her lose over 20 pounds as of November 2008. Laura continues to make progress, and we are sharing her inspiring story with her permission.
By Laura McBride
August 5, 2008
This is a true tale of re-writing the future. My future. In the past I often ended dieting adventures the same way; gave up too easy, tried to do it my way, doubted everything the second it wasn’t perfect. As Dr. Phil often says, “So how’s that workin’ for ya?” Most often it didn’t work very well at all thank you very much.
When you have dieted (and failed) for as long as I have, and you grew up around people who valued thinness in a palpable way, your mind just gets a wee bit twisted over time regarding body image. Starting when I was young I watched my dad always subtly but firmly wanting my mother to be thinner throughout their entire marriage. Now bear in mind my mother was a full blooded Sicilian – so no matter what – she was going to have, shall we say, a certain voluptuousness about her. Add to the fact we were middle to lower income at times – which translated into us eating a whole a lot of pasta and homemade bread – delicious I might add – and carb heaven.
My dad was never overt in his displeasure but it was there in an unspoken but very real way. I saw my mother vacillate between eating foods she loved (and she was a fantastic home cook with a real love of food and family) and then going on ridiculous diets. It started with those awful shots they gave you in the 1960’s, then to the liquid protein diet (where she once passed out from the lack of proper nutrition) in the 1970’s, to the Cambridge Diet in the 1980’s (what a wonderful Pyramid scheme that was) and many more in between. I promptly picked up the torch with her as I grew into adulthood.
Add to this my grandmother, who would occasionally call from the upper crust of society in New England and who would unfailingly ask, “You’re not gaining any weight now, dear, are you?” (my stomach still cringes in retrospect). It continued with my first husband who on more than one occasion voiced his own displeasure when I had gained a few pounds after having a child and even said, as we separated 17 years later, “but I even stayed with you when you gained weight” – in an attempt to win me back?? Gee, thanks, but no thanks.
These things have a way of making inroads in ones brain that aren’t easily erased. And this I have brought with me right up to this very day, oh yes indeed I have. Just last week I was feeling like I was such a loser (no pun intended!) because I had gained a puny little pound. Of course at the time it felt hugely magnified in my mind, a gigantic boulder attached to my hips, and I promptly started down the dark, twisty path.
Enter the Twilight Zone. (Cue music)
In this warped part of my diet mind it still felt like “half the time” I had not done well over the last 9 weeks. To prove it I got out my stats from day one and looked at my progress. Whoa. Let me look again. Why, I had successfully lost every week except once when I had maintained and last week when I had gained a pound. Not only that, but when I calculated the average it worked out to a 1.5 pound loss per week which is exactly where I should be. What was I thinking?? It was astounding that my mind had me wanting to give up when in fact I was right on track. (As a side note the next weigh-in revealed a 2.5 pound drop after I was SO SURE I wouldn’t lose anything).
So I am here to tell you to hang on. Don’t give up and say “next week I’ll be better” – get right back on track right then. You are losing weight. Don’t give up the minute things get hard or – more importantly – when they don’t go perfectly. As my supportive team around me said – look at the overall trend – and by God they are right! Despite the blips and the bumps and me being my own worst enemy, the scale is going down.
Something Cathy at eDiets said to me that I will never forget which I now offer to you. When I first started this journey I was hesitant, wanting to be hopeful but sort of unbelieving given my past rate of failure. Cathy wrote, “I know you’re having a hard time believing this will be ‘the’ time, Laura. Let us believe it for you until you believe it yourself.” For anyone else out there on this journey who doesn’t lose easily, who wants to give up because it doesn’t feel like it’s working, I believe you can do this, the whole eDiets team believes you can do it. You ARE doing this! Let us help you believe until you can believe it for yourself. And we will all be there to applaud your victories.
Just hang on.
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