PrintBy Shawn McKee
Staff Writer
Bad breath, speakerphones, tuna casserole, coffee pots and close-talkers. What do these things have in common? They’re all top offenders in office etiquette — things that make you loathe the lunchroom and avoid your co-workers.
With Americans spending more time on the job than ever before — nine to five? You wish you had those “banker’s hours” — it’s becoming progressively more difficult to tolerate your associates’ foibles. Most research suggests that the standard 40-hour work week is going by the wayside, and as people are spending more and more time in the office, they are becoming increasingly annoyed with the idiosyncrasies of their co-workers.
After a great deal of research — and an unofficial poll of my own workplace — here is a compilation of the capital offenses in the workplace. If you’ve been guilty in the past, use this list to right what once was wrong (and if you know someone who is a repeat offender, discreetly drop a copy of this on their desk).
Hell’s Kitchen
This is a veritable playground of workplace whammies — from the coffee pot to the kitchen sink — the lunchroom can turn a mediocre morning into an aggravating afternoon in the time it takes to microwave a burrito.
The best part of waking up… There’s nothing worse in the morning than salivating for your caffeine eye-opener on the commute, only to find some inconsiderate jerk has taken the last cup and not started a new pot. Incoherent mumbling and a string of expletives are the only recourse now before making a new pot.
The Boy Scouts have a saying: “Leave things better than the way you found them.” Coffee has done so much for you; the least you can do is brew a new pot.
Ooh, that smell. Bringing lunch to work can be a great way to save money and eat healthy, but stay away from fish and other stinky standards. When the smell of last night’s tuna casserole emanates from the kitchen and spreads through the office, the aroma will alienate your associates. Burnt popcorn was also a top nasal nemesis; this wretched stench seems to linger forever and is very simple to prevent: wait with it while it pops, and pull it out when the popping slows.
Your mom doesn’t work here. If you make a mess, clean it up. Dishes in the sink, an explosion in the microwave or anything else should be cleaned up immediately.
Phone Faux Pas
Cell-fish jerks. Almost everyone carries a cell phone, and every one of those cell phones is equipped with a surplus of annoying ringtones. I enjoy Beethoven’s Fifth, but your Nokia version is aurally offensive. People, put your cell phones on vibrate.
Speaker prone. One of the biggest phone faux pas is doing your business on a loud speaker phone. Everyone in the office doesn’t want to hear your voicemail, nor do they want to hear you rambling to your girlfriend about “how crazy last night was.” Speaker phones annoy everyone; you have two hands — use one to pick up the phone.
Other Odious Odors
Take a shower, Pigpen. Having an unpleasant odor on the job makes your co-workers suffer and may make you very unpopular in the company carpool. Luckily, this is easy to remedy. Take a shower and find a good deodorant. But a word of warning: Trying to cover the smell with gallons of perfume or cologne is just as offensive and can even cause allergic reactions for some. Wearing too much of even the most expensive cologne still smells cheap. Spray, delay and walk away.
Close-talking onion eaters. Close-talkers are annoying because they invade personal space and make people uncomfortable, but couple that with bad breath and it can be downright disgusting. Have gum or mints handy (if not for you, for old garlic-breath in accounting), and it’s a good idea to bring a toothbrush for after lunch. This should quell your bad breath, but you should still avoid close-talking — it’s creepy.
Final solution. So you’ve dropped this article on the office offender’s desk, emailed them a copy and still no improvement. Try addressing the issue directly. Tell the person with the problem that you need to speak with them privately — this will be uncomfortable enough without having someone else walking by and chiming in. Try separating them from the problem, and don’t point fingers. Recommend they try a better deodorant, explain that you get distracted easily — and if all else fails, see if you can switch desks. Good luck.
What’s your greatest office annoyance? Let us know by venting below.
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