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Having been recently dumped by my girlfriend, um, ex-girlfriend of two years, I've found myself back on the dating scene. Although I'm still a little bummed over the breakup, I'm not worried about finding "true love" (whatever that means): With billions of women on Earth, the odds are in my favor. But lately, my luck hasn't been too good.
In the past month, I've been on a number of first dates -- notice the emphasis on "first." I
haven't really found anyone I'd like to see, at least not regularly. You might be thinking, "This guy must be pretty picky and full of himself." Not really. It’s just that there are certain habits -- or "deal breakers" -- that automatically kill any attraction.My biggest deal breaker? When I'm on a dinner date and the other person treats our waiter or waitress like garbage, I call it quits. This happened several weeks ago when I took a girl out to a local Italian place. She was pretty, witty and sweet -- to me. But when our waiter came by and politely interrupted our conversation to ask for our orders, she gave him a look of utter disgust.
The rest of the evening, I had to deal with her complaining about the horrible service (He was great) -- plus her constant texting, which is another deal breaker for me. Needless to say, I never called her back.
I'm not the only one with deal breakers: A friend went out with a guy who wouldn't stop picking his nose on their date. Another friend told me about a girl who would ask her mom to put the family cat on the phone during dates; apparently, these human/cat phone conversations happened on a steady basis.
Perhaps I'm spoiled from my previous relationship, but I don't think there's anything wrong with "filtering" dates by using deal breakers. That's the usual motive behind a date: to see whether you'll get along or end up tearing each other's head off in frustration; having deal breakers just speeds up the process. Ultimately, I'm just hopeful that the next girl I date shows common courtesy -- and prefers to talk to humans.
Do you have any dating deal breakers? What's the weirdest or most annoying thing your date has done? Share your experiences below by leaving a comment!
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Labels: couple, men, relationships, sex, women
Comment: October 15, 2008 8:31 AM - 
said...
I have been on a number of first dates and sometimes even second dates. I like to date on line. This one particular guy shows up and looks nothing like his picture. Turns out to be nice but has this strange habit of asking a question followed by leaning into you and opening his real wide. Ok we are not talking normal we are talking "how do you do that freaky eye thing?" It happened all through the date. Needless to say, I haven't returned his calls. And now he is referred to as the "eye guy".
Comment: October 22, 2008 5:27 AM - 
Valerie Voigt said...
On one first-and-only date, the guy put his hand around my shoulder. It stank like dead fish! I doubt he had washed it in a week. No second date for him! I don't answer or return his calls.
Another guy had his nose hair frizzing out of his nose and into his mustache: obvious nose hair is always a turnoff, this doubly so.
I've actually given up dating because I've got better things to do than sorting through the filthy men to find a clean one. When I was a teenager, the guys all arrived showered, shaved, well-groomed, well-dressed--and in a clean car, too. What happened to those good manners?!!
Comment: October 24, 2008 1:23 AM - zartist said...
Yes for manners, dressing, smelling financially secure and acting like a guy that is proud of himself and knows how to treat a woman right!
And it doesn't get better with age - I am in my 50's. I have plenty to do to keep busy as well.
Comment: October 24, 2008 5:27 AM - said...
I'm a simple person and I'm not a fan of materialism. If a guy flaunts money or has all the latest and greatest gadgets, I'm turned off.
Lack of common courtesy towards other human beings is also a turn off.
Comment: October 24, 2008 8:05 AM - said...
i went on a somewhat blind date, i met the guy on the internet, we had talked for a couple of weeks and decided to get together for a dinner. we met at a mutual place, he said hi to me, we talked, and then he said he had to use the bathroom. i told him where it was and while he was in the bathroom (or so i thought he was) i was called to my seat, i had ordered a drink and told the waitress i would wate for my date to come back. she came back a bit later and i asked her if she could send someone to the bathroom to see if he was okay, well he had snuck out of the restaurant, but the funny thing was, he hadn't left the area, his truck was still parked in the parking lot.
see, my first impression of him was okay, but i didn't know he smoked that never came up in conversation and i was probably never going to talk to him again after the first date, but he basically didn't even stay for the date. i thought it was very rude to do that, yes i was upset but not extremely, i had to explain the situation to the waitress and she said don't worry about the drink i had ordered and i ended up going to a friend's house to be comforted and just talk.
i think if you plan a date, you should at least finish the date, that guy was a complete jerk.
Comment: October 24, 2008 9:20 AM - said...
I don't have a problem with using having standards as long as they apply to all first dates. I have heard of men who will tolerate deal breakers if the women have the perfect body but not if her body is less than perfect. Wake up men, having the perfect body doesn't guarantee that a woman is going to be the perfect date. Men who treat women differently based on body type aren't even worthy of my friendship.
Comment: October 24, 2008 9:37 AM - said...
I have given up dating for awhile after dating someone who did not wash their hands after going to the bathroom (yuk)
Comment: October 24, 2008 11:28 AM - said...
Deal Breakers: Chewing with your mouth open, or like you have cud in your mouth. Slapping the table while laughing. Interupting other diners, thinking you are funny.
Comment: October 24, 2008 11:46 AM - said...
My first date from hell happened years ago, when a nice, good-looking, man that I knew for years asked me out. On the day of the date, we agreed to go eat an early dinner and then go to the movies. I was dressed in a nice casual suit, but he appeared in jeans and a wrinkled shirt (strike one). I took one look at him and said, politely, "sorry, I dressed wrong, I'm going to change...". At the restaurant, he looked at the menu and told me he didn't have enough money (strikes two and three). I said sharply, "Would you like to leave?" Since I've seen this before and I wasn't going to offer to pay...no freeloaders, sorry....He said no and we had dinner. I was already turned off and wasn't too hungry anyway and ordered a regular meal (I could have been mean and got something expensive, but I'm not like that). Anyhow, I asked him, "How were we going to go to dinner and a movie if you didn't bring any money?" He didn't have anything intelligent to say, so after we were done at the restaurant, I asked to be taken home. He asked if he could use my bathroom, which pissed me off, I just wanted to get away from him. First he used the bthrm and then I did, when I came out, he was sprawled on my couch and took off his shoes and socks (AAAAKKKKK!!!! gross...)....I literally kicked him out...afterward, he kept calling me, leaving messages about what a good catch he was and how he was going to be the owner of his Father's company, blah blah blah. I ignored all calls... I thought to myself, 'yes, but yet he can't afford a dinner and a movie...or decent clothes for a first date. What a loser!' Anyhow, in my opinion, when a man comes to pick you up on a first date not dressed for the occasion, and with no money, he's obviously looking for one thing and with this type of loser, it's not worth it, stay away, far far away...
But, there is some hope out there. I will say, a quick, successful story, much later, I met a man, who was sort of dressed so-so for our first date, but it was casual b/c we met online and kept the date simple. Now, we recently got married and hopefully will live happily ever after =0)
Comment: October 24, 2008 12:04 PM - said...
My dealbreaker was a constant flirtatious ex-wife who would not go away. She kept trying to break us up. My bf was too blind to see it ..one day she came to me and told me he was sleeping with her. He was so patient about the situation I assumed she was telling the truth and I will never speak to him again.
Comment: October 24, 2008 12:07 PM - said...
Not dating...happily married for over 28 years...but was always advised that the way a man treats his mother and waitresses are a sure sign of how he treats all women. Rudeness and cruelty are not to be tolerated by anyone!
Comment: October 24, 2008 1:17 PM - said...
I also did some dating from online sites and had a few first dates. One guy met me and we took my car to go to an observatory. He seemed ok to talk to online and on the phone so we agreed to meet. Once we got to the observatory, we found it closed but walked around it outside. He bumps into a marble seating area with his shin and I asked if he was alright and he was rubbing it and more afraid of developing a bruise than anything else. He went on and on whining about that and then started complaining about other things in his life; ie, the ex-wife, his job, his legal problems with his ex-employer, etc. I couldn't get away from him quick enough. We drove back to his car and he asked if I'd like to get something to eat. I said that no, I was all set. I politely said goodbye and drove off. I quickly deleted him from my instant messenger and never looked back. He was just too negative for my taste so that is definitely a deal breaker for me.
Comment: October 24, 2008 4:32 PM - said...
Ugh, so I met this one guy online and he seemed nice and was pretty cute. We ended up meeting for a coffee, but turned out he didn't have any change on him...alright not everyone has change so I let it slide and I bought the coffees no big deal. Then it was raining out so we sat in a secluded gazebo in the park it was nice, and we chatted for a bit. He asked if he could give me a kiss and I said sure since he was so nice. He practically attacked my face with his lips..eww major turn off I didn't say you could make out with me, the next part was even worse. He stopped when I pulled away and told me "I think im in love with you." Well...that was enough for me, I said thats nice but i'm late for an appointment and I got the hell out of there, pretty much the worst date ever. Major turnoff...telling a girl you love her on the first date and trying to get to 2nd or 3rd base like 20 mins after meeting..just nasty!
Comment: October 24, 2008 5:49 PM - said...
I find the greatest deal breaker is the guy's eating habits. If he slurps, chews with his mouth open, sucks his teeth, puts his finger in his mouth to clean his food from around his teeth, belches for the joy of letting one rip or even after dinner sucks on a toothpick for the rest of the evening,or has any other personal disgusting table manners or habits,I am out.
Comment: October 27, 2008 4:31 AM - said...
After my separation, I decided to date again and met a guy on line. He seemed very romantic and blew me away with his sweet talk on the phone. So we made a date to meet him. We both have told each other what we look like and what color of clothes we are wearing. Mind me he was to pick me up from the airport and go out for lunch. I saw this person discribe on what he was wearing but I did not realize he was a miget. He could of told me, I would of been better prepared to understand our situation and made something out of it. I had lunch and I told him if he was honest about himself it would of been different. Yeah I fell for him but I could not see me supporting him.
Comment: December 20, 2008 7:56 AM - said...
Deal breaker...are red flags. From what I have read in the posts, you all are planning your escapes at the first sign of the red flags. Great! I spent the last 10 years justifying my partners behaviors. When you consider one flag at a time, it does not seem intolerable, just a pet peeve. When they mount up over time...one begins to wonder what the attraction was in the first place. Run, Dick, run. Run, Jane, run. Everything we need to know we learned in kindergarten may be true. Happy holidays to all of you. Learning to live alone and be content is the answer. The other will come.
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