eDiets Contributor
We all experience emotional pain in our lives. Someone close to us will die eventually. A friend or lover will betray us. We will lose our jobs or not get the one we really wanted. Many of us have been victims of physical, emotional and/or sexual abuse. We experience racism, sexism and other forms of hatred. Many of us have difficulties with processing these issues.A while back, I was conducting my class on healing emotional pain at the San Francisco County Jail when one of the women asked, "Why has it been so difficult for me to face my emotional pain?" Most of the other women in the group then asked follow-up questions in that same vein. I pondered this issue for a while. I realized that this is indeed the first question one needs to explore when wondering what events have caused internal wounds, hurts or traumas. If you cannot look at your pain, then you can never resolve it. Why, then, is it so hard to look at it?
--We are afraid that what may be uncomfortable now will become terrifying if we open the door to our feelings and memories.
--We are taught not to dwell on painful events. We believe that we are to "suck it up" and move on rather than wonder how this hurt affects us.
So how does a person break through these roadblocks? You overcome them by:
1. Discovering the internal faith you need to overcome these wounds. This faith can be religious, spiritual, your place of wisdom or your higher power. Your internal faith is what helps you face troubling times, confusion and loss.
2. Learning that the energy invested in pushing the pain away is not worth the price of becoming physically ill, drug dependent or devoid of any feelings. This energy can instead be used for recovery, spiritual awakening, self-direction and confidence-building activities.
3. Learning that facing emotional pain can be an exciting, joyful and ultimately redemptive journey. You will find joy simply by breaking through long-standing grief and pain. You should learn to love yourself.
4. Discovering how physical exercise can improve your self-esteem, mood and confidence, which will allow you to work through your emotional pain. Exercising will also bring back the playful innocence of a child. It will make you feel and look better. It will increase your organizational abilities and give you a purpose.
5. Learning techniques that teach you how to tolerate angst. Those techniques include accepting that the trauma took place in the past -- not the present.
6. Learning that you can find healthy ways to distract yourself from the pain when it becomes overwhelming. You can focus on what is happening in the present instead. Going for a walk or reading a book are healthy ways to take your mind off the pain.
7. Finding others who willing to listen patiently to your story and have the need to share their struggles with you. You will discover the beauty of actually connecting with others.
Bob Livingstone, LCSW, has been a psychotherapist in private practice for around 20 years. He works with adults, teenagers and children who have experienced traumas such as family violence, neglect and divorce. He works with men who have anger issues and adults in recovery from child abuse.
Labels: secret to happiness, self-esteem, stress, stress free life, stress free living, weight loss
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